I don’t know.

I don’t know.

I don’t know how to feel.  How to bring my emotions up to the level of my awareness and breathe them out.

I don’t know what I feel.  Am I anxious?  Stressed?  Hurt?  Angry?  There is a mishmash of emotions and all of them edged but not as much as in the recent past.  There are things gnawing at me, mild distress over choices made that apparently went wrong, feeling judged, feeling wrong.

I don’t know if I’m wrong or right.  Where do my actions sit on the appropriate line?  Does it even matter?  Probably not.  It isn’t a global catastrophe or even a localized one.  Just a sense of unsettled and unright.  Which is not the same as wrong.

I don’t know if there’s anything more to do.  Should I do more?  Should I care?  Should I do less?

Should I walk away?

How do I put down the little worries?  How do I put down the second guessing?  How do I walk away from the endless considerations of possibilities?

I don’t know.

And that, Dear Self, is living.

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Rain

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Rain pours down upon me
Riddling my soul with echoes
Drops and songs of delight
And despair
Fat, thumping statements
Of shedding
Of wringing out the overfull
And overflowing
Sponge of me
There is only one rain
One fall
One drop
It touches my tongue
I remember the summer
The pine riddled flavour
The past
Now gone
Washed away
In a torrent of individual drops
Beating through my denial
My rage
My refusal until
My drops fall into the sky
And I am rain
Falling upon my soul
Nourishing
Refreshing
Releasing
Pounding
Screaming mouth agape
Until I drown
And wake up
Now

Leylines in the House!

You know I typed the title with that announcer/over the top party voice, right?

Have you ever gotten tipsy and contemplated magick?  That’s what I thought.  Well, during one of those moments for me I was contemplating leylines, you know, the flow of energy in the planet.  Rather like veins of power running through the earth.  Mostly thin, sometimes thick, sometimes clustering into a nexus which becomes a place of power.

Think Stonehenge.  Or other old pagan sites.  Or really any place where your hair stands on edge just because you set foot into it.  Places of power.  Places where power congregates.  Like a river fed lake where the water pools in one particular place before moving out again.  (Thinking of it as having water coming in and out regularly works better as esoteric energy not moving tends to get a bit thick and unwieldly.)

These veins tend to travel through natural channels for the planet.  Like a well established river, they tend not to move around much in their path unless there is cause to do so.  And like rivers, they flow, continually.  Or perhaps electrical lines would be a better analogy.  Regardless, you get the idea.

So there I am, a tad in my cups (I make mead, after all, so in my cups is a good, tasty, honey-rich thing) and thinking about the natural flow of energy.  And then about the flow of energy in my home.

Leylines in the House!

C’mon, that time you surely heard it in that special announcey voice?

Okay, they aren’t leylines in the classical sense, but there are lines, flows of energy in our homes.  Feng shui is, to my understanding as I have not studied it at all, in essence dealing with this flow.  We are living beings moving repeatedly in spaces that have purpose.  This leads to energy build up and energy grooves as in paths the energy likes to take.

Which leads to interesting thoughts and a way to evaluate, magically speaking, our homes.  Where does the energy flow easily in my home?  Where does it snag, caught up on shape or form or intention?  Are there places that let the energy slip through to easily?  If I’m creating defensive magicks, how do I use the setup of my things and my space to create distractions and disruptions for anything attempting to find me and/or come into my space?

Where don’t I like to be in my own home?  What lingers in that space?  Is it an item there or the flow itself that bothers me?

Can I feel the energy in my own home?

This is not an idle question.  Just like we are the last ones to usually smell our own funk, it can be difficult to feel the energy in our home spaces precisely because they are home and thus, by definition and expectation, we spend a lot of time there.  It is utterly and deeply familiar to us and so harder to feel.  Yet surely, of all places, this is the energy we want to know best AND it’s the place energy we can most easily effect.

When we set our belongings in places we create effect, when we clean we create effect, when we move through and use our space we create effect.  As in impact on the energy of our homes and how it moves.

I invite you to also think on that the next time you’re tipsy or even just plain upright and contemplative.  Do you know the lines of energy in your own home?  How they flow, where they pool, where they are clean and where they are clogged.  From that place of knowledge you stand ready to change anything you will to.

The choice and thus the power is yours.

Violet
~The Abysmal Witch