Tag: yule

(My) Eight Blisses of Yule: #4 Understanding

Yes, I know, Yule is fading quickly beneath the onslaught of the coming sun, but I still have my litany of 8 blisses to share!  So I’ll try and get them out in the next several weeks (this is me setting a realistic timeframe rather than the one I wish I could make but deep down know that I meet).

Understanding.  One of my favourite things to do at this time of year (we’re pretending it’s still Yule time as I type this) is to give the “perfect” gift.  The perfect gift isn’t in the item.

It is in how it is received.

When the other person’s eyes, face, body light up.  When they get that grin or laugh, get teary or just really solemn before they give you a great, big hug, that’s when I know I’ve given a perfect gift.

Because it was something special to them not necessarily to me.

Giving the perfect gift requires seeing the other person for who THEY are, and not getting sucked into seeing on them reflections of our own needs and wants.

It is so easy to assume fall victim to the “I like it so they’ll like it too” attitude.  There has to be more to recommend something as a gift for a particular person than just that I or you like it.

Giving the perfect gift is allowing yourself insight into the who of someone else.  At the deepest level, you let go of your own ego to let in the sense of the other person, to understand what it is that would bring them joy.

Yes, knowing the person, their likes/dislikes, whether or not they have the same sense of humour as you, their complete addiction to My Little Ponies, these are all tells.  We pay attention to the person, know what they are like, what they’ve shown preference for in the past, or not.  We apply that knowledge in picking out the gift.

Some might say that this isn’t any mystical experience, it’s just good social etiquette.

Well, and it is.  And when done out of duty, that’s all it is.  But when it’s done out of love?  Then it is a gift of love.

Understanding the other person is the gift we receive when we give a perfect gift.

Love is the gift the other person receives when they receive from us the perfect gift.

I firmly believe that we experience love through attention.  Without getting into any real specifics:  We give attention to people we love.  When someone pays attention to us, we feel loved (whether we want it or not, though it always feels nicest when it is mutual).

When we fully embrace understanding (or love) then we have reached a mystical experience.

And when they open the gift, and their face lights up, and I get to see that I was right, that I had connected with that person, understood them, given even just one person a perfect gift for that year, then I know I have understood, truly understood and joy is then mine, too.

~Abysmal Witch

 

(My) Eight Blisses of Yule: #3, Receiving

It is good to enjoy receiving gifts.

It is great to enjoy receiving gifts without any emotional baggage.  As in your own emotional baggage, not the gift’s.

To think, someone cared for you emotional state enough to get you something they thought you would enjoy.

And yes, again I am getting away from the requisite giving that is so typified in the media and our culture (and even more so in other cultures judging by recent conversations).  This isn’t the required polite receiving of some polite gift that was given because it was expected and received with a polite smile because the amount of emotion on the receiving end equalled that of the giving end.

I’m talking about having a gift in your hands that as you look upon it your heart glows.  It makes you laugh.  Or it fulfills a need.  Or it satisfies an itch you didn’t even know you had.  It speaks to you.  And it’s FOR YOU.

I’ve long believed that we experience love through attention.  When we are on the receiving end of positive attention, we feel loved (having your birthday remembered, receiving a gift you really wanted and so clearly the other person had paid attention to you, being asked about your day and the examples could continue forever).

Receiving a gift is taking in love.

Without commitment or expectation.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

If there was a string attached then it wasn’t a fucking gift and it doesn’t belong in this conversation.

Wow, taking in love.

As I type, I think “hey, this is why Santa is such a strong, beloved archetype!”

What is this lunatic talking about?

Think about it.  Santa is the ultimate gift giver, right?  He gives to all he loves (generally portrayed as all who are “good”), freely, without any expectation of return, no strings at all.

Which means that when you receive a gift from Santa, all you have to do, ALL you have to do is receive it.  Take it in.  Take that freely given love into your heart. You get to enjoy the gift without any guilt or need to reciprocate.  Something I think many people have a hard time doing when the gift is from someone known.  But Santa?  His gifts are safe to receive.

I received gifts this yule.  And each one was unexpected and appreciated.  And ZERO fretting over anyone who didn’t give a gift.  Because there was no need for gifts to be given.  No need = no requirement = no guilt.  Gods, I love things that come without guilt.

This receiving isn’t the greedy grasping of a selfish child.  This is the glorious receiving of the open and essentially hopeful child.

This Yule I let myself take in the gifts of my friends, from the physical to the spiritual, the joy of their company to their funny stories.

Yes, gifts range far beyond the physical, and many of them arrive when we’re not paying attention.

Time to wake up and take it in.  Let it all in.  Receive the gifts that are waiting for your hands to open to take them in.

~Abysmal Witch

(My) 8 Blisses of Yule: #2, Giving

I’m not talking about obligatory follow through.  I’m not talking about the need to reciprocate.  I’m not talking about fulfilling someone else’s expectations.

I’m talking about the sheer bliss of giving BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.

With no other lingering, hidden feeling lurking behind the giving.

There’s no expectation in it, no regret, no pressure, no feeling that you “had to”.  The one and only reason for the giving is because in your heart of hearts you want to.  What you want.  To who you want.  Without needing, without WANTING anything back.

That’s right.  My bliss lies in doing it.  Utterly and completely in the doing.

Full stop.

The only thing I hope for on the other end is to see a bit of my joy reflected in the receiver’s reaction.  That’s my payoff.

And what a fucking awesome payoff it is.

8 Blisses of Yule: #1, Resonant Kin

Last night I gathered with many beautiful people to celebrate Yule.

Throughout that night I experienced true bliss, in waves that crested and rushed over me.  Over the next days I shall share what names I found for the waves.

My first bliss of Yule is the souls of my spiritual kindred.  I stood amongst the woods, goddess in me, and my kindred stood by my side.  They danced the ritual with me.  They shared food and laughter, solemnity and grace.  These aren’t just kin.  These are the people that resonate with me.  We are not the same but together we created a harmony that, I like to think, lifted us all up higher.

When we spoke, ideas and concepts and understanding was shared, not just words and information.

I felt like I was among my own kind.  I WAS among my own kind.

Graced in bliss by my resonant kin.

~Abysmal Witch