{"id":880,"date":"2016-11-18T03:34:09","date_gmt":"2016-11-18T03:34:09","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/?p=880"},"modified":"2016-11-18T03:34:09","modified_gmt":"2016-11-18T03:34:09","slug":"because-he-knows-i-love-him","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/2016\/11\/18\/because-he-knows-i-love-him\/","title":{"rendered":"Because He Knows I Love Him"},"content":{"rendered":"

During the month of October in 2016, my dear beloved Mason (I also have the usually a pleasure of residing with Bastion, his black tabby brother), went through a rather terrifying series of events resulting from an error in medication that essentially poisoned him and nearly killed him. (So far, he’s still with us!)<\/em><\/p>\n

There have been many new experiences and some new thoughts through all this. \u00a0I had a few realizations, and at least a few I would like to<\/em>\u00a0share, from when Mason was staying at the kitty hospital<\/em>:<\/p>\n

When he passes from me, when my heart breaks, tomorrow or\u00a0years from now, it doesn’t matter, I will be at some base level okay with it. \u00a0Because he knows that I love him. \u00a0I may get angry or frustrated and I’m not always a great companion but I love him and them, so completely.<\/p>\n

It is always in my heart and sometimes I wonder if they do know it’s always there, if he wonders why I torture him so with this vet. \u00a0And then I truly see him, just as he is. \u00a0He knows I love him. \u00a0And that I take his love into me, deeply and completely.<\/p>\n

And he forgives me when I fail to take his offering of love in the moment, preferring to do whatever it is before my eyes.<\/p>\n

And I forgive him and them for when they want nothing to do with me.<\/p>\n

None of us are perfect, but we love, deeply, wholly, completely. \u00a0And so I fear, and one day I will grieve, and I will still know myself blessed and without regret, because he knows I love him, just as deeply as I know he loves me. \u00a0(And I hope he forgives me the vet trip [naturally he does, all turns out fine<\/em>]<\/em>. \u00a0I miss him and I want to hold him. \u00a0And hopefully get to bask in his love again {please forgive me for the indignities!}). \u00a0He lives, we continue, we love and will love. \u00a0I could really use a period of easy, calm day-to-day normalness though.<\/p>\n

I am oddly proud of how I have handled it all. \u00a0I stayed with the moment, all the moments. \u00a0I have stayed with my feelings. \u00a0I did not anticipate the potential depth of problems (much), iotw I didn’t pre-worry about what might happen; I stayed with what was actually happening. \u00a0I was present, fully and completely, for him (and his brother). \u00a0I did what I needed to do to look after them first, our home second, me third (with the total exception to the above for the necessary basics to keep me going: \u00a0work, food, sleep). \u00a0And I stayed connected to them both, as much as possible, in each moment as they came.<\/p>\n

Tonight precursors the future. \u00a0It is myself and one brother cat. \u00a0The other isn’t here. \u00a0One day this will happen. \u00a0Unless by some bizarre circumstance both of them go at the same time, there will be a day when this is the reality. \u00a0One cat. \u00a0Brother gone. \u00a0Just two of us (plus snakes shhhh). \u00a0We will go from 3 to 2. \u00a0(And then 1 but shhhh on that too, we really needn’t talk of it now, eh?). \u00a0My heart will break. \u00a0But only because it has been so completely filled.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

During the month of October in 2016, my dear beloved Mason (I also have the usually a pleasure of residing with Bastion, his black tabby brother), went through a rather terrifying series of events resulting from an error in medication that essentially poisoned him and nearly killed him. (So far, he’s still with us!) There … Continue reading Because He Knows I Love Him<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":890,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":"","_links_to":"","_links_to_target":""},"categories":[2,12],"tags":[375,376,377,378],"class_list":["post-880","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-abysmal-musings","category-those-other-days","tag-cat-love","tag-handling-stress","tag-in-the-moment","tag-orienting"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=880"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":891,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/880\/revisions\/891"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/890"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=880"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=880"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/abysmalwitch.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=880"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}