No Respite…For Anyone?

Do you remember when stores were CLOSED on New Year’s Day?  And Christmas Day.

I don’t mean a few stores, I mean everything except for a few gas stations, the odd pharmacy and the occasional restaurant.

The streets were near vacant because there was nowhere to go except to friends, family or nature.

Today I drove to a friend’s place.  It is New Year’s Day.  Parking lots had a noticeable amount of cars in them.  Not as bad as during the holiday frenzy and yet, still, a plentitude of cars dotting the asphalt landscape.

But surely I was mistaken!  Surely people aren’t actually shopping on New Year’s Day.

Nope.  That Winners had someone coming out of it.  Those other people were headed into some other store.

Yes, there were still places closed.  But it wasn’t like before.  It wasn’t a case that almost everyone had the day off except for near essential services (food, gas and medication).  Some number were still free from the work world, but many were not so lucky.  Not nearly enough of them.

The joy of these days was that the world rested.  In the midst of the silent season, we would go quiet, rest and celebrate that rest.

Now our culture has led us to strip ourselves of even that.  Despite the joy I take in the season, I see many nasty roads we are taking ourselves down.  This one in particular struck me painfully today.

We’re forgetting how to let ourselves rest, how to turn off, how to let go.  Despite broader understanding of the need for rest and respite, we are taking ever more steps towards a world where that is forgotten, devalued, tossed aside like three day old chicken bones that never saw the inside of a fridge.

Sadness.

~Abysmal Witch

Hunting Wabbits to the Hollow.

The sharing of bliss is not done, but it will come in its time.

This time is for something else.  It is the quiet, the still, the pause between times when the world rests, sits, takes a deep breath in preparation for the work ahead.

The work will come soon enough.  It waits at the tips of us, our fingers, noses and tongues, but it will wait just a little bit longer.

For now we rest in the hollow.

It is still here.  Silent.

Space.

The room for all things within us, without us, between us all.  Nothing is held onto here, no preconception, need or desire, expectation or haunt can remain, clinging to us, when we enter the hollow and stay to it.  Despite the pushings and pullings or our normal nature.

It is when the tug-o-war ceases that you know you have arrived.  Visits can be very short or very long, but always they change us.

Transformed.

It is different here, change comes more easily once the commitment to change is forgotten and being, just being, sets in.

So long as you continue to hunt wabbits, the hollow cannot take you.  But hunting wabbits can lead you to the hollow.

The hollow is everywhere.  It is perception and duty and life that keeps us from settling in to it.

It is our own misconceptions that keep us from knowing it.

Our fears lace us into a corset of requirement.  Keep us from knowing the fullness of our Selves.

Sssshhhhhhhh.  Listen quietly.  See softly.

Rest empty.

~Abysmal Witch

(My) Eight Blisses of Yule: #3, Receiving

It is good to enjoy receiving gifts.

It is great to enjoy receiving gifts without any emotional baggage.  As in your own emotional baggage, not the gift’s.

To think, someone cared for you emotional state enough to get you something they thought you would enjoy.

And yes, again I am getting away from the requisite giving that is so typified in the media and our culture (and even more so in other cultures judging by recent conversations).  This isn’t the required polite receiving of some polite gift that was given because it was expected and received with a polite smile because the amount of emotion on the receiving end equalled that of the giving end.

I’m talking about having a gift in your hands that as you look upon it your heart glows.  It makes you laugh.  Or it fulfills a need.  Or it satisfies an itch you didn’t even know you had.  It speaks to you.  And it’s FOR YOU.

I’ve long believed that we experience love through attention.  When we are on the receiving end of positive attention, we feel loved (having your birthday remembered, receiving a gift you really wanted and so clearly the other person had paid attention to you, being asked about your day and the examples could continue forever).

Receiving a gift is taking in love.

Without commitment or expectation.

NO STRINGS ATTACHED.

If there was a string attached then it wasn’t a fucking gift and it doesn’t belong in this conversation.

Wow, taking in love.

As I type, I think “hey, this is why Santa is such a strong, beloved archetype!”

What is this lunatic talking about?

Think about it.  Santa is the ultimate gift giver, right?  He gives to all he loves (generally portrayed as all who are “good”), freely, without any expectation of return, no strings at all.

Which means that when you receive a gift from Santa, all you have to do, ALL you have to do is receive it.  Take it in.  Take that freely given love into your heart. You get to enjoy the gift without any guilt or need to reciprocate.  Something I think many people have a hard time doing when the gift is from someone known.  But Santa?  His gifts are safe to receive.

I received gifts this yule.  And each one was unexpected and appreciated.  And ZERO fretting over anyone who didn’t give a gift.  Because there was no need for gifts to be given.  No need = no requirement = no guilt.  Gods, I love things that come without guilt.

This receiving isn’t the greedy grasping of a selfish child.  This is the glorious receiving of the open and essentially hopeful child.

This Yule I let myself take in the gifts of my friends, from the physical to the spiritual, the joy of their company to their funny stories.

Yes, gifts range far beyond the physical, and many of them arrive when we’re not paying attention.

Time to wake up and take it in.  Let it all in.  Receive the gifts that are waiting for your hands to open to take them in.

~Abysmal Witch

(My) 8 Blisses of Yule: #2, Giving

I’m not talking about obligatory follow through.  I’m not talking about the need to reciprocate.  I’m not talking about fulfilling someone else’s expectations.

I’m talking about the sheer bliss of giving BECAUSE YOU WANT TO.

With no other lingering, hidden feeling lurking behind the giving.

There’s no expectation in it, no regret, no pressure, no feeling that you “had to”.  The one and only reason for the giving is because in your heart of hearts you want to.  What you want.  To who you want.  Without needing, without WANTING anything back.

That’s right.  My bliss lies in doing it.  Utterly and completely in the doing.

Full stop.

The only thing I hope for on the other end is to see a bit of my joy reflected in the receiver’s reaction.  That’s my payoff.

And what a fucking awesome payoff it is.

8 Blisses of Yule: #1, Resonant Kin

Last night I gathered with many beautiful people to celebrate Yule.

Throughout that night I experienced true bliss, in waves that crested and rushed over me.  Over the next days I shall share what names I found for the waves.

My first bliss of Yule is the souls of my spiritual kindred.  I stood amongst the woods, goddess in me, and my kindred stood by my side.  They danced the ritual with me.  They shared food and laughter, solemnity and grace.  These aren’t just kin.  These are the people that resonate with me.  We are not the same but together we created a harmony that, I like to think, lifted us all up higher.

When we spoke, ideas and concepts and understanding was shared, not just words and information.

I felt like I was among my own kind.  I WAS among my own kind.

Graced in bliss by my resonant kin.

~Abysmal Witch

Just 20 minutes

Do you have a dream?  Something that you long for?  Something that is attainable?

You know what I mean, the desire to run a marathon, write a book, become a famous seamstress.  Something that relies on your ability, your effort, your work.  Do you have something like that?

I do.  I have several such somethings.  One of them is being more accomplished in my magick.  Tonight as I went up to my temple I had the ‘duh’ realization.

If I want something, truly want it, is it worth 20 minutes of my time?  Just that, 20 minutes.

Would I give up 20 minutes of my life to get that thing?

If not, then I clearly don’t want it, not bad enough.  Because 20 minutes is not that much time.  If I can’t take 20 minutes to reach that desire, then it’s a pretty freaking weak desire.  A mild preference, in fact.

If yes, then take the 20 minutes.  Without putting it off.  Without placing something else before it.  Grab hold of the 20 minutes because it is your desire, just in its early stages.

Sink your claws into your desire and start to sip from the great possibility of it, because you’ve put in your 20 minutes.

This was a good use of 20 minutes.

~Abysmal Witch

My Top 10 Halloween Season Movies

Well, I’m still trying to find my camera so that I could bring you the behind the scenes piece on Monster Mash-Up 2011.  So instead, here are my top 10 Halloween Season movies, in absolutely no particular order:

Halloween.  All of ’em, pretty much, though Season 3 tends to leave me cold.  The Rob Zombie remakes are great (well, the first one is great, the second has moments of brilliance and moments of bizarreness, so go where you will).  And I’m particularly fond of H20.  There’s something about it that just gives me the Halloween Warm Fuzzies.

Rocky Horror Picture Show. I mean, come on.  How much more in the twisted, spooky vein do you need to get?  Frankenstein’s monster, zombies, sluts and aliens all in one.  😀

Nightmare Before Christmas.  Though I’m semi-tempted to put this on the Christmas list.  But Halloween mostly wins.  “This is Halloween”: damn song will get stuck in your head for ages.  Bell, Book and Candle could also be said to be a cross-over, all about witches but set at Christmastime.  Go figure.

Corpse Bride.  “A wedding, we’re going to have a wedding!”  It’s a fun little romp through the land of the dead.  If you haven’t gone down this movie road, you really should.  And for a corpse, the bride is pretty hot.

Wizard of Oz.  It’s on the lighter side, and yet so funly marvelous.  Scary witches and flying monkeys, what more can a girl ask for?  Right, teally great shoes.

Sweeny Todd.  Still in the land of musicals, we are, but moving back to the blood and the gore.  Nasty death galore, but with songs.  How lovely.

Zombie movies.  Yeah, okay, so this was cheating, but seriously, how do you pick your best?  There’s the classic Night of the Living Dead and the modern mocking of Shaun of the Dead & Fido.  28 Days Later will freak you with their super-speed and the nasty commentary on humanity.  Zombieland should be issued as a teaching video.  Resident Evil has given me nightmares (gah, stuck with the red queen in my dreams, was most disturbing). And the list could continue.

Evil Dead & co.  Don’t read from the book!   hehehe.  This one more so for me after seeing the live play version.

Hmmm, combining a bunch together has made these last two slots much harder.  I’m racking my head, but it’s a bit hard.  My head, that is.

Exorcist movies are certainly a decent choice.  The original will always be marvelous and I rather like Lost Souls which I tend to think of in the same general vein.  But they’re not overly Halloweenie, just scary.  Still, they fill a spot on the list.

Oh, if only I owned it, I’m sure I would watch it.  Puff’n’stuff.  Damn, that would make a fine Halloween movie, don’t you think?  Witchypoo can’t be beat.

And finally, the Wicker Man.  Perfectly classic.

On a different day I might give you a different list, but today, this is my top 10 (uh, 11) Halloween Season movies.

So what do you watch in preparation of the season?

~Abysmal Witch

Halloween Philosiphizing

The other day I was thinking.  I know, I know, it was a dangerous thing for my poor little mind, but sometimes even I need to go down that road.  And after some minutes of the poor little mice struggling to overcome inertia and get the wheels turning stuff like the following spewed out:

Halloween is one of the few co-created society-wide events in our society.  Christmas is another one, the other “major” holidays less so.  These are events where a majority of people buy into the event and work together to create an atmosphere.  With Christmas, for example, people put lights on their houses and decorations outside for others to share in as an experience.

Small examples of this that I’ve experienced are small weekend pagan events where we all agree to co-create a particular world around us.  I go to one entitled Pirates & Faeries.  Everyone dresses up, decorates their living space, and work together to decorate our shared spaces.  The results are spectacular.  We live within a fantasy world that we have all worked together to create.  Which also means that everywhere you go lies within that world so long as you stay within the boundaries.

Halloween is co-created on a much grander scale.  Sure people opt out, but enough opt in that the entire day becomes a co-created “fantastical” world.

Monsters and dead things abound.

My gods, just think about this, being fearful is encouraged and celebrated.  And then we’re taught to laugh at our fears.  We are taught to wear our fears on the outside of our skin, to BE the very horrors that have us hiding under our covers.

How gods-freaking-fabulous-tastic is that?

Seriously.  Look at this outlet we have given ourselves from mundane reality, and it’s for everyone!  AND we’re saying it’s okay to be scared.  And we’ll join with everyone else in making it happen.  How wacked is that?

This is the only holiday/celebration in my society that goes beyond the shared co-creating of an environment (xmas does that with all the lights and external decorations) and invites us to GO INTO EACH OTHERS LIVES!

There are only two generally, sort of accepted ways to visit someone’s house if you don’t know them:

1) you’re selling something, from god to floor cleaners, cookies to makeup, you’re there to sell.

2) you’re begging for help, like a phone call for your car, a run-over pet, psychotic man in mask trying to kill you who turns out to be your brother who killed your older sister many years before and has now escaped from the prison/sanitarium and is now going to kill you

But then there is this bizarre, magical third reason:

3)  It’s Halloween.

Um, wtf?  Why on earth is it acceptable on this one day of the year to go wandering to some strangers house, ring their door, and ask for CANDY?!?

Just stop and think about it for a minute if it hasn’t already struck you.  Outside of Halloween, have you ever just gone up to somebody’s house, knocked on their door and expected to receive something nice?    Just try and picture it happening.  Try and picture doing it.

It’s weird.

And yet on Halloween, it’s expected.  And that it’s okay for kids to do it (even now when we’re terrified to let them touch dirt let alone talk to strangers).  And that those who have opted in (with the lit pumpkin) have agreed to a social contract to open that door and give out goodies.

This is so freaking bizarre it makes me proud to live here.

~Abysmal Witch, in her element.

Gorging

Had to do the grocery shopping today, part of life’s necessities, but I also do it as a once/week big shop and cook to see me through most of the week (too busy most days to worry about cooking and that pesky lunch thing!  just nicer to have leftovers to reheat).

I was in the grocery store and I wanted desperately to pick up something tasty and satisfying that I could gorge myself on.  That I could eat until the deepest parts of my soul were satisfied.  I wanted to slurp it up, shove it in my mouth, eat and eat and eat until utterly and completely satiated.

This is not a good feeling.

This is a feeling born of something deeper and nastier.

But I didn’t think about that.  I just wanted to satisfy the craving <little voice in back of head crying out “warning!  WARNING!!!”>.

Problem was, I’ve embraced a fiscally responsible world, with a budget for things like groceries, and I’ve been working on losing weight by being conscious of what I’m eating.

So everything I looked at either a) cost money I wasn’t willing to spend or b) wasn’t perfect enough for satisfying the gorge desire to warrant the calorie cost.

Went through the whole grocery store going, “hmmm?”  ummmm  “naaaahhh”.  It was a rather annoying and clearly pointless trip to the store.  I bought vegetables and meat for tonight’s dinner and this week’s lunches.  Cereal for breakfast.  A vitamin and fresh bandaids (Disney princess faeries this time hehehe).  No donut croissants, no bags of chips, no chocolate bar or candy or anything “bad” for me yet oh-so-tasty.

Why?  Because every temptation I picked up I did an internal test of “will this satisfy my need to gorge?  Enough so that it’s worth the calorie & financial cost?”  And the answer was always no.

And you know what happened when I got home?

I had my cereal breakfast for dinner (it was a weird and rather backwards day in many ways).  And I felt full.  Not utterly satisfied, but full and in no need of further food.  So much for the gorging desire.  A bowl of cereal filled me up to the “I don’t want to eat anymore right now” state.

This was an almost accidental handling of the emotional burning urge that underlied the gorging desire.

And I’m damn glad.

If I was really good I’d sit down with the feeling and get closer to understanding its source and its underlying need.  But instead, heading to bed, strangely satisfied with the results of my day.

Rapture

“Let thine innermost divine self be enfolded in the rapture of the infinite.”

Screw waiting for God to reach down and pluck me up in a swirl of sparkling lights and falling dust motes of my once solid body.  I’ll take my own Self into rapture, thank you.

And you can too.  Really anyone can if they are willing to invest the time, energy and self-discovery (youch!) necessary for full acceptance, integration and through those the expansion into All.

I am divine.  No, I am Divine.  That is, DIVINE.  Not just fabulous, wonderful or glorious.  Nope, move beyond all that, all those limited edges and realize that the fullness of divinity resides within and thus we within It.

Hold to your divine self.  Slide into it, Be It.  And the Universe, the All, opens before you.  Petals of the golden flower unfold with a blush of warmth, rich scent and delicate traces of moisture.  It is All.  And you are It.  You are in it and in one and in One become All.

And rapture comes, is, has always been waiting, present, unknown and longing.  It is, all around, all through us, because it is All.

Rapture.  Spiritual orgasm beyond any conceivable human scale.  Hell yeah.

Rapture on, fellow seekers!

~Abysmal Witch

p.s.  I am completely sober 😛